I.. a universe of atoms an atom in the universe.
by
I was supposed to become a slave to the numbers globally. This means in the long term I am supposed to associate myself with the gradual increase or decrease of certain optional variables in life. But I was unaware of the fact that in this journey I would start developing an unnecessary correlation with the internal fluctuations of them, making me occasionally reevaluate myself.
To pull the reader out of confusion, first I need to justify that as a person dealing day and night with various optimization problems, the gradual decrease in loss (as an outcome of a model crafted by me) makes me “extremely flattered.” This is amusing news for my passion for optimizing everything. But the problem arises when I associate these temporary “extremely flattered” moments with my life. It might be obvious to feel joyous if something you have passion for works out well but I want to internally remain unmoved by the “happiness” provided by these moments associated with these “contextual numbers”. The primary reason behind this self-rebelling attitude is the fact that when these “contextual numbers” do not behave as they intended to do (which is solely defined by an internal ego) I feel melancholy and occasionally doubt my own competence as a person. Albeit the fact that I am a being whose whole “identity” is not solely defined by the performance of these puny models or numbers.
The above paragraph is just one of those (uncountably) many instances I feel compelled by the manifestations of meaningless algorithms. To extend this scenario, I must mention the impact of the count of “citations” on my inner self. It can be counter-argued by the sheer statement that “… but I promised myself to keep up with the citation count until I reach a certain number of citations in a certain time, and afterwards it will not matter anymore by nature..”. This statement in my opinion, is pseudo-logical and lacks foresight because when I see the number of citations increases each week, month, or year I internally convince myself “Ah! I have reached N citations earlier than I initially thought, so probably I will reach a higher number M till the predefined time approaches, and then I will definitely stop!” When finally the “predefined time” arrives, the resolution of my stopping condition gets so blurry that I recursively iterate between the first and the second statement, just changing the variables “N” and “M”.
The two instances I mentioned above gradually evaporated my self-credibility and eventually turned me into an automation to print papers in order to gain visibility to enhance the count of citations. Please keep in mind that I am neither against publishing papers nor the aim to gain popularity, but I am just justifying the support for the statement that “publishing research papers and gathering an enormous amount of citations does not make you a scientist that you dreamt of being when you were in primary or in high school.”
Let us re-iterate the purpose of this write-up by asking one simple question:
"Who am I speaking or pointing out to at this moment?"
"To all the so-called "scientists" in this world?"
or
"To my "current- self", who went against the "innocent self", that once unknowingly made the remark that "I want to become a scientist when I grow up and my research will impact the world." "
I believe, at this stage of my life, neither I am capable nor am I as unbiased as I used to be in answering this question. But for the sake of this momentary realization and for the sake of my own credibility, I can keep this instance of self-evaluation as a milestone of my descent into a greedy search for a minimal loss function and maximal social visibility. Where I internally acknowledge that these "loss functions" and the "social visibility" can not contribute to the my importance in this existence.
In the beginning, when the group called "Humans" used to get preyed on by the preditors as per the unspoken rule of the food chain they started living in large groups. "Humans" named the predators "Animal" and started isolating themselves from them. Eventually, they made their own culture and society to survive and got insulated from the other groups. Till now everything was perfectly fine with the higher form of life and they wholeheartedly appreciated the move to make themselves independent. But then something evil occurred.
In around 20 BC a subgroup of "Humans" called "Romans" started to use the other groups of Earthlings apart from "Humans" for only entertainment purposes. They constructed circular enclosed architectures and named them "Arena" where they used to use "Animal" and slaughter them just for fun. More than ten thousand "Animals" were slaughtered. In between the fifth to eighth century another subgroup of "Humans" called "French" made a total of 26 "Arena" like this.
As "Human" intelligence evolved they turned more evil and during the 18th and 19th centuries in one of the continents of Earth called "Europe" they started realizing their most disgusting idea called "Zoo". They started keeping different subgroups of "Animals" in very very small compartments, in confined spaces. Not only that the older generation of "Humans" started influencing the younger generation of "Humans" with their rotten and deformed minds and encouraged them to visit "Zoo" in their spare time. "Human" finds the subgroups of "Animal" entertaining. They bother them, throw them occasionally small amounts of food, take pictures with them and so on. The whole "Animal" is just "cute", "funny", "lazy", "dirty", "weird" and "strange" to "Human".
The Earthlings should have responsibility and duties for each other or they are all independent. This means either "Humans" have duties to "Animals" or they do not. And if "Human" does have duties then they should include one of the most important traits of civilization in their duty toward "Animal" and that is respect and respecting the interests that are most important to "Animal" as long as they do not conflict with "Human". One such default interest of "Animals" is not detaching them from the open wildlife and keeping them in confinement. Earthlings are all equal so this interest should be respected. The latter case that "Humans" do not have duties to "Animals" is out of the discussion as it is implausible in the sense that all Earthlings have emotions and "Animals" the majority of the time sustain "Human" emotions. So with the sense of being grateful "Humans" inevitably should have a duty towards "Animal". (Stay tuned ...)
"We need to find the mini (the lost one), not Paprika's bikini (which is non sensical as paprika basically a lady that appears in dreams), it requires descipline!"
One of the characters shockingly says "Discipline?"
"Yes sir! True satisfaction! That what discipline brings! Even the fine court ladies dancing to frog food in drums has it, so did the world with recycled papers!"
"Computer graphics playing in my head, and I love it!!"
...
...
"Now the time has come, to return to home, the great blue sky, where confetti falls like stardust and everything shaken around the shrine-gates and the mailbox and refrigator, leading hiphop festival!"
"and the whole festival was put together by twenty third graders, lots of chutzpah and one panda!"
Then the sublime Parade by Susumu Hirasawa, begins with slow pace and gradually increases by each and every second. Simultaneously Doctor Shima runs with full force on the corridor and screams
"You see now!? I am truly grand! The ultimate! Shine! Shine! Take me! Take me now!"
Ultimately he jumps from the window, by breaking the window glass. Fortunately, his pace was quite uniform throughout the running and jumping process so his pace towards the ground from (probably) the 3rd floor of the building hindered by the tree branches and he just broke a few bones.
"It all started when I was doing a brain scan on a patient using a state-of-the-art computer image processor, and the idea came to me like a lightning bolt." Dr. Tokita excitedly remarks.
Then the doctor continues "The nonlinear waves, that are created by the constant surges in the biochemical current can be applied to create new synapse connections, when the old ones are damaged, and the by product of this excess energy can be harvested by adjusting the BTU output."
The detective then says "... interesting! So DC Mini can analyse dreams, (that has potential application in the process of) cure illness and use the person's body (indicating the adjustment of BTU output) for energy!"
I love running. But when I attempted to run in my newly brought running shoes, I noticed a growing pain on the back of my toe. The pain in the next 2 weeks turned into a swollen painful bulge and I could hardly walk. I had enough of applying medicine to the swollen area, it was barely improving the situation.
Last week (on 28th June 2023) in the afternoon I suddenly remember Musashi and how he faced the same situation as me while he was visiting the famous blacksmith Shishido Baiken of Kuwana (BOOK III: FIRE chapter Eagle Mountain). There he spent the whole night and day applying various natural remedies to his swollen foot. All his attempts were futile. In the next few days, Musashi was supposed to face the great Yoshioka school (which later went down in history as one of the most remarkable fights, where one man defeats a whole clan). He then forced himself to sit on his haunches in a formal style which caused so much pain that it almost fainted him. While seating he opened his eyes and a soaring peak between Mount Mae and Mount Asama. He saw the peak, it was Eagle Mountain, he did not know that but he thought "its an eagle". Making the peak as his destination, he had a go, with the unbearable pain on his foot and a red demonic face which shouted "I will win, I will!". The trees, the weeds and the ice-- all were his enemies at this point trying desperately to keep him from reaching the top. Every step, breath was a pure challenge. His chilled body in fever boiled in determination. The more he was reaching the top, the harder it was for him to hold on as a single misstep might lead to a fall in the cascade of rocks and boulders. But he went on and on, holding tightly whatever was in his reach. Pulling himself upper and upper, suddenly he found himself laying on his stomach, realizing he reached the top. Forgetting about his tiresome situation and swollen foot, he stood up and started jumping with a feeling of achievement. "There is nothing above me! I'm standing on the top of an eagle's head!". Calming himself down he look down on his foot and saw a bucketful of yellowish push stream from his injured foot.
That evening after reflecting on this incident and hearing about Mount Rysy (the highest peak in Poland, 2501 Meters), I decided to climb it with my swollen foot. On 2nd July 2023 from Moroskie Oko I had a go to Rysy around 9:30 am. At first 20 minutes, it was well and good. Then as the slope turned steeper, I started feeling discomfort on the back of my feet, which in the next couple of minutes started to convert into pain. In the next 15-17 minutes it was unbearable for me to take proper steps. Even once I removed my shoes to reveal the red bulge to the wind. I kept on climbing keeping Musashi's struggle in my mind. After reaching 2250 meters each stone, each lump of ice and each turn of rocky climb was imposing an enormous challenge to me. I was drinking water more than usual, finishing 2 and a half (one litre each) bottles of water to climb the next 150 meters. I was in so much pain that I could not feel the physical exhaustion. I was so dedicatedly climbing upwards that when I reached the top I did not even realize it. After a man who was standing in the front told me that congratulations you are here, I sat in relief and removed my shoes. What I saw made me filled with satisfaction. I saw that the bulge no more exists, instead, it is covered by blood and it's flat! I did not shout like Miyamoto Musashi but in my heart, I said "There is nothing above me, I am standing on the top, just like you Master!".